Indeed, you don’t go from rock bottom to living the life that you love in a day. It begins as a seed, a choice, and as you nurture it, it grows into a strong blossom tree of abundant joy.
Here I have broken it down into 13 stages I went through to go from suicidal to joyful. I still practice all of these in my life now.
1. I was kind and gentle with myself
After my attempted suicide, I was a fragile, emotional wreck. As such, I did not expect myself to climb Everest.
Instead I only asked of myself what I felt I could manage, even if that meant only making my basic meals for the day. If I could not do something, I did not beat myself up over it. Rather, I was kind and understanding with myself.
2. I did what felt good
Initially, this was watching Disney films that made me feel light and inspired hope in me that life could be a wonderful place where fairy tales come true. I love to cook so I baked lots and expressed myself creatively. I put on 2 stone in the process and I was at peace with that.
3. I did not judge myself
It was hard not to feel ashamed for my attempted suicide and not to fall back into old patterns of self-hatred. These negative beliefs were destructive to my well-being so I disciplined myself to change these thoughts because I knew that what I really needed was complete compassion and love.
4. I saw a counsellor
She gave me the support I needed to work through my grief and essentially know that ‘all was going to be okay’.
5. I opened myself up to love
I allowed people I trusted (for me this was certain family members) to love and care for me. It is really okay to lean on people. One day, it may be up to us to support others that need our help.
6. I let go
Releasing the old, makes room for the new.
So I let go of many old behaviours and people that no longer served my ultimate goal of joy.
I accepted that there are some things that we naturally grow out of, and that is okay.
7. I was practical
After the necessary period of recovery, I found a job. This was not the job of my dreams, but I was still working out exactly what my dream job looked like, so I just found a form of employment that suited some of my interests. This provided a healthy routine, structure and the financial security that I needed.
8. I connected with my heart
I realised the importance of living joyfully, and I slowly began to understand that the true gauge for this was in my heart. So I tuned in, and if it felt good and my heart glowed warm, I knew that was the path to take.
9. I began to seek
My job did not bring me joy (in fact it was horrific), so I began to search for one that did. My search (all on the internet) was vast and I hit many brick walls.
At many points I thought it was impossible and I wanted to give up. But I didn’t. Determined, I googled ‘follow your heart’ and the magical articles that I read lead me to setting up my blog.
10. I trusted
I took a leap of faith and, even though I did not even know what a blog was, because it felt good, I did it. I continue to trust that this is what I am meant to be doing, and that this blog will inspire powerful, joyful living in others.
11. I saw the cup half full
I talk as if my life is perfect right now, because I feel as rich in joy as a queen, but I still have challenges to face. Financially, I live very humbly in order to build up my (at this stage, baby) blog. I still grieve every day. I have strong, negative beliefs that still require much work. Nonetheless, I choose to see my life as truly blessed.
And now for the 2 last points that I believe are my magical beans…
12. I practiced gratitude all day long
This is without doubt a profound source of joy in my heart and it creates magic in my life. As is the Law of Attraction, the more grateful you are for anything and everything, the more you get of the ‘good stuff’. Furthermore, it does not matter if you have little, you can feel so rich.
13. I loved myself
Every second that I have spent loving myself has transformed my life more powerfully than anything else. If you do nothing else in this world, then make it this one. Love heals all and allows you to tap into who you really are, and where you come from.
The choice I made to live the life I love, I did not just make once and then forget about. I make this choice every single day; a commitment to myself.
No matter how low you are, know that, one step at a time, you have the power to transform your life.
So what is your first step?