Sometimes the notion of change can be overwhelming. We look at our life and lose heart in a sea of obstacles: – inharmonious relationships, anger, self-hatred. Whatever it is that we see, no matter how much we want to change it, it can seem too much or even impossible to overcome.
I would like to share with you my own story of how willingness to change transformed my life.
A House Of Cards Came Crashing Down
Many years ago, I was in a serious relationship with my Scandinavian boyfriend at the time, we lived together in a house in Oxford (UK) and I was very much in love with him. But, whilst we were away staying with my parents up north for a bank holiday weekend, he in fact told me that he wanted to end our relationship. He said he didn’t think that he had ever loved me.
He had pre-booked a taxi and was gone within 15 minutes. He packed up my belongings from our house and sent them to me in a removal van within 24 hours. I was in a terrible state of shock and my heart was completely broken.
Opening The Cupboard
I went to live with my beautiful oldest sister and she gave me the amazing book ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ by Louise Hay. And I began my healing process. Not just for my heart break, but for my whole life up until that point.
I had experienced so much suffering in my early years and I had never acknowledged any of it, so what I was faced with was horrific. I looked inside myself and I saw chronic self-hatred, fear, anger and shame. Everywhere I looked in my adult life was a reflection of what I felt inside.
And having been rejected by the person I loved so much made me want to loathe myself even more. I hit rock bottom.
But then, out of depths of my despair, I realised that I did not have to be a victim of my own world.
I did not have to be a victim of my early years anymore and that I could transform my world now.
If my inner turmoil were to be likened to a cupboard, mine was filled to the brink with rubbish. But I had made a decision that I would take responsibility for it. I would begin to clean it up.
A Willingness To Change
But how when there was so much rubbish? The thought overwhelmed me. I did not actually KNOW how to start. How could I begin to love myself when I did not know what that felt like?
I began with the simple phrase ‘I am willing to love myself’.
‘I am willing to change’.
Just the sound of this phrase made me sigh with relief! I did not have to build Rome in a day. I did not even need to KNOW how to take the next step. All I needed was to be willing to take the next step.
I trusted that the Universe would show me the way and would support me on my healing journey. And the Universe did.
I felt so truly blessed by everything that the Universe sent to help me on my way:-
Every little bird singing at my bedside window. Every tree turning golden in the Autumn. Every smile someone gave me in the supermarket. Every cuddle with my sister.
The warmth in our home. The way I began to smile at myself in the mirror and mean it. The amazing yoga class I found out of nowhere. The warmth that grew in my heart for myself.
I slowly transformed my self-hatred into self-love. I spent a lot of time releasing my anger in a healthy way. I introduced compassion into my heart for myself and others. I began to trust that the Universe would always take care of me.
I felt as though I was born again, but this time into a world that I chose and that I loved.
It all began with being open to the ‘willingness to change’. Anything more would have been too much. The willingness alone took me 99% of the way to positive transformation.
Are You Ready?
If there is something in your life that you wish to change, please do not feel overwhelmed.
Just affirm ‘I am willing to change….’ and trust that the Universe will work with you to manifest this change.
It takes courage but you are more supported than you know. And you so deserve the life you want!
With all my love,